It’s Not You, It’s Me

(Image Courtesy of: centrictv.com)

By: Zach Fulwood

This is by far the single best cliché known to man and it’s all because there is not a single thing you can do disprove it. If someone goes up to you and tells you that “it’s not you, it’s me,” there’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to take it and accept it for what it is. Sure, that person could be lying to you and letting you down easy so that you feel a little better about yourself to the point you don’t go off the deep end. Personally, I’d rather you tell me you cheated on me with Flava Flav than come to me saying, “it’s not you, it’s me.” But the reality is, more times than not, the reason why that person is leaving you has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Plain and simple, no one likes being dumped. It feels like an indictment on you and how you were during the relationship. The moment you get dumped, you start questioning all the things you may have done wrong while you were in the relationship. Maybe you should have listened to her more or maybe you should have skipped hanging out with the guys that one night and went to her house and binged watch an entire season of Insecure. Along with countless others, these are all the thoughts that run wild through your mind after a break-up. But yet again, if they hit you with the “it’s not you, it’s me,” line, there wasn’t anything you could do about this unfortunate inevitability.

Simply put, people need to space to grow. I know it sounds nice to assume that the best relationships are those which you can grow together in and figure out life together as if it was one awesome 90’s Disney movie but that’s not reality. The truth is, how can I grow into the person I’m supposed to be if I’m also trying to grow with you at the same time? How can I possibly give 100 percent of myself to you while also putting in 100 percent effort into growing individually? Duh, I can’t and most likely you can’t either.

Successful relationships take a lot of time and a lot of effort to build. The process of building that successful relationship is usually fun at first because it’s all so new. After a while however, the process stops being fun and you start wondering if you’re really willing to put forth the effort that’s necessary for the relationship to work. That uncertainty is also accompanied by further self evaluations about you as a person and whether or not you are at a place in your life where you can give the other person the commitment they’re looking for. No one’s happy in a half-assed relationship.

Not every person will go through this but most people will and while some might abuse the “it’s not you, it’s me” line, others will truly mean it. Instead of looking at is as someone flat out lying to you because they lost interest, maybe it’s time to consider that, that person is just trying to spare your feelngs. Just because it’s a cliché doesn’t mean it’s not true.

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