By: Zach Fulwood
For the longest time I’ve wondered why people look at me funny when I say that I see nothing wrong with being friends with my exes. I’ve remained friends with every single woman I’ve ever dated and ultimately broke up with at least until communication fell off and we went from friends to long lost strangers. While I’ve never seen a problem with it, a lot of people seem to think it’s problematic and I just don’t understand why.
One of the most common rebuttals to exes being friends is that you can’t properly move forward with somebody else if you’re still in communication with your ex even if that communication is strictly platonic. There’s some truth to this but we have to understand that there’s levels to this. If you’re still friends with an ex whom you’ve slept with while also trying to start a new relationship then you have a problem. No self-respecting individual looking for a monogamous relationship is ever going to be secure enough in a relationship with a person who still actively communicates with a person they’ve slept with. There’s nothing comfortable about double dating with a person who’s seen your partner butter ball naked. After all, sex is never “just sex”.
Outside of that one instance, exes can certainly be friends without any problems. If you liked a person enough to date them, why can’t you like the person enough to still be friends if the relationship doesn’t work out? You obviously have things in common and get along well enough to want to communicate with them everyday. Why switch up now just because you’re still caught in your feelings?
Sure, there’s instances where an ex may only want to maintain a friendship because of the chance that you might want to try the relationship again but that’s not your problem. Obviously, you can’t control the intentions of another human being so there’s no need to start trying now.
To a lesser degree, there’s also the thought that you can’t be friends with an ex because you were and will most likely continue to be attracted to that person, thus making it hard to ever really move on. Maybe, but if that’s the case, you might as well stop having friends in general. Whether you are attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex, your friend group is most certainly comprised of people you find attractive. The only difference here is that you haven’t played tongue hockey with these people and texted them sweet nothings at 2 AM every night.
Truth be told, there’s tons of reasons why you shouldn’t be friends with certain people. Maybe they stole from you, mentally and physically abused you, or maybe they simply don’t understand the concept of bathing. Whatever the reason may be, the fact that you once dated just doesn’t seem like a legitimate one.